An Open Letter to Dads Who Are Confused (and Anyone Who Needs More Love)

I want to give a big hug to all the brave dads out there.

The love and care and effort you put in will be appreciated, and will be rewarding one day, even if you don’t see it right now.

Your kid hasn’t been alive as long as you have, and there might come a time when you guys don’t see things the same way for a long time. Maybe ever again.

But that’s okay – that’s the beauty of humanity. We think differently and lead immensely diverse lives. It would be boring if your kid was just a photocopy of someone else.

I discovered that I had become too busy to make my dad feel appreciated.

I assumed he’d always be there, right as the next opportunity would vanish in an instant. School, work, trips. You know what? It’s really the other way around.

My dad had more faith in me than I ever did. He told me to take my time, and figure out what I wanted to do. I told him I was sick of staying in one place. He told me I’d find my way once I set my mind to it, as long as I am 100% committed (this is much more credit than I gave myself). He was more focused than I could ever hope to be.

So a shoutout to all you awesome dads out there who know what’s best for your kid(s) as they’re navigating this confusing world, and who pick your kids up wherever they are. There will be a time in the future when they look back and think, ah, Daddy was right.

And, Dads with daughters are extra resilient! I know how girls can drive you nuts. My dad watched me grow wild with wanderlust. He was patient. I am the wild one in the family, after all.

Whether you’re a dad or a mom or a daughter, today, I encourage you to flip the tables–let someone know you appreciate them by doing something kind for them. It can be something as simple as writing a card or introducing them to a new friend or a phone call.

You will feel so good knowing you’ve made someone’s day. Get love by giving love.

Your relationships will become stronger and more meaningful. In fact, I encourage you to go out of your way to do one kind gesture for someone every month.

The fact that it’s not an occasion means you’re thinking of them out of the blue, making it that much more special. By the end of the year, you’ll have 12 stronger, closer relationships. We don’t know how much longer any of us will be here, so the least we can do is make others feel appreciated.

Have an amazing day!
Grace

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9 Oceanside Piano Pieces

9 Oceanside Piano Pieces“Let’s go to the beach today!” I say.

My sister and I find a soccer ball at the beach and it was the most interesting thing since ice cream. It was tiny and pink and I was kicking it around barefoot.

As it gets dark, we lay on a log and spotted the brightest stars and wondered who or what was up there.

When you look back, the small things will become most significant. Beach trip on a whim, counting stars with your favourite people, singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs.

It doesn’t hurt to kick back and relax. I’ve planned nights-out and ice cream runs, but the best evening of my summer so far was this beach trip on a whim with my sister and mother.

Be spontaneous. Dance like you’ve got no shoes on.

Here are 9 Oceanside piano pieces to remind you what it feels like to be dancing by the ocean, with your shoes off. (Or, just playing soccer.)

A big high-five to Matthew for collecting these beautifully modern piano pieces!

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The Pursuit of (Experimental) Happiness

Where I’m ’bout to go, the lights all glow
And there’s no rejection, all I see is hope
My promised land

Promised Land, by OMI

Everyone is preparing for the conventional sense of better. Starting new companies, writing the MCAT, LSAT, enrolling kids in genius-baby programs at a year old, working that new startup from the basement.

I’ve renamed it the great Canadian Dream. For the Promised Land.

There is a lot of pressure to move on, keep moving, moving, moving. My friends have always been go-getters, but I reckon that I only feel pressured now because I was truly wandering for four months of travel.

Here are a few changes I’m making these days. I’m calling this Experimental Happiness, because, frankly, I know I want to be happy but I don’t know how to turn my journey into one laced with such yet.

The Pursuit of (Experimental) Happiness
You’re not meant to please everyone.

I run into former music students once in awhile; I have nothing but fond memories of them, and we say hi and I notice how I can’t armpit-hug them anymore.

There were ways I could’ve been a better teacher and business person–but those are details. The reality is, I was the best teacher I could’ve been at that moment, given the time and resources.

You know what, though? People remember how you made them feel, rather than what you did. It made my day when a student started singing to their performance pieces. I loved that my students were so comfortable with me.

Perhaps people will never know you spent the night pacing the floor contemplating minuscule details―the way you prep a lesson, whether your eyelashes are glued on for dinner, does it matter? Years and years down the road, they will remember the care and love you put in for them and how you made them feel.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If they’re not pleased by your efforts, then they’re not meant to be pleased.

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3 Things Great Leaders Know About Timing

“I’ll help you with the event,” my good friend says. Then he never shows up for a meeting. You probably know who my good friends are anyways. If I didn’t care about this, I’d just say who it is.

But I do. Care, that is.

I’m writing this after three hours of sleep. In case you want to run an event or startup, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Timing is everything1. Remember what they say about mixing business with pleasure.

His girlfriend starts helping us, then he doesn’t let us recruit any of his friends. Isn’t your trusty best friend supposed to arrive when you dial the bat mobile? Okay, I may have the wrong number because I haven’t actually seen the Dark Knight.

What am I doing with my life that one of my best friends can’t keep a simple promise?

You can be friends with people you work with. But you don’t necessarily want to work with your friends unless you can risk losing them. Like, I don’t mind working with batman because I don’t know him, but he’s supposedly a hard worker with great biceps.

Maybe we all have friends we can’t work with, no matter how talented they are.

 

2. Learn about the team.

Pop culture says INFP personality types are not poised to be managers because we are so consumed with keeping peace that we tend to place achievement of team objectives below maintaining a great team dynamic.

I want to say that’s not true, but I’m like the reverse customer service desk. I will call to make sure you’re okay with your role and I will put myself on hold and even sing my own elevator muzak until you’re done meetings or cooking or whatever you want to do besides speak to me (crazy, right?).

When planning the timeline, we didn’t account for the month of fire-up time for settling into team roles; that is, how long the norming stage of team formation was. We lost more than a month that way.

Around this time of year, music teachers are growing their businesses and hiring new instructors.

You will meet people who are committed, and also people who are interested in what you are doing, without the same dedication. Ask them for favours like contact lists and introductions; ask for everything you think they can help with and let them say “no.”

We all know that “no” just means “no for now.”

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5 Golden Rules for Managing a Team

5 Golden Rules for Managing a TeamLeading people is hard sometimes. I want to make everyone happy. I want to be friends with people I work with.

I want to know about their family and friends and what they do when we don’t see each other; then, when they are not performing properly, I can be empathetic and we can have a real, gritty discussion.

But this is not a blog about management, and I don’t think you want to read about how important it is for me to be everyone’s friend.

So instead, I will talk about creating structure.

It’s summer ripe time for anyone, musician or teacher or startup/small business, to grow their team. Families are on vacation, teachers are on break before the new semester, music festivals have happened.

Our event team started from scratch, when I was bouncing ideas off close friends.

After describing my idea, I say, “Would you be interested in working on this?”

“Definitely,” Benta says.

“When?”

We look at the calendar, and we count forward four months.

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Dear musicians, please don’t cram an important performance

Ways to recover from a memory slipMusic students raved about my personal techniques on cramming for a music performance, which I shared a while ago, and decorated it with the most fitting gifs.

I’m a great crammer but I’m here to tell you it’s not worth it. Cramming is for emergencies only.

When under pressure and stress (i.e. performance conditions) you will rely on muscle memory and it will take 100% of your focus to not mess up. If you’ve crammed, you will have little muscle memory to draw from, which unfortunately makes your mind more likely to blank.

My cramming techniques worked for my performance, but it wasn’t failproof.

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Don’t let fear rob you of the grind

A design event I produced

Everyone wants to do something that’s awesome and cool and changes the world. But I’d argue that it’s enough to have changed the course of a few people’s days. That is more realistic, and to be honest, no one changes the world by saying they’re going to change the world—those ideas never work. People who really change the world have failed a few times and know that luck and good ideas go hand-in-hand.

I produce events to bring people together and shift the course of people’s lives in a tiny way; this might ripple outwards, it may not. But I’m happy to have affected a part of people’s day for the better, that they decided that my event was more valuable than drinking hipster coffee by the ocean.

You never know about these things. Maybe you produce a design workshop that inspires someone to pursue design or coding, which changes their career. Maybe your music performance encourages someone in the audience to start performing.

Years ago, I was told something along the lines of this, by a comedian: “If someone in the audience was watching me, and forgot about their worries and was completely engrossed for even 5 minutes, then I have been successful. Because I have changed a part of someone’s day for the better.” And that is enough for me, I think.

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