I might be going deaf.

I woke up on Sunday morning and my ear was ringing. This is not a small issue. I had sharp ears and I could play things on the piano that I heard once.

It’s been over one week and I can’t turn it off and I’ve tried almost everything.

I’ve already befriended a few doctors about this.

They assure me that time will tell, that the tiny sensory hairs in my ear have been overloaded and are trying to fix themselves.

You’re more likely to get ringing in your ears as you age, or if you’re young and stupid, or if you have bad luck beside loud speakers or earbuds.

The ring in my ear is especially prominent in quiet spaces.

I wear an earplug in that ear to protect it from loud noises, and if you tried to sneak up behind me, you would be a bully because I wouldn’t ever be able to pinpoint where you were. You need both ears to determine where a sound comes from because the sound hits one ear before the other.

What is it like, being deaf in one ear?

When I’m sitting beside Pan at a cafe, I concentrate to separate his voice from the ambient noise.

“Can we switch sides so you’re close to my left ear?”

I’m close to tears and hope and wish upon every eyelash I find that that I won’t have to read lips in the future.

Each conversation turns into a three minute negotiation punctuated by “HA?” and less talking comes out of my mouth because I never know how loudly I should be speaking. This is a tragedy.

I’m staying home more. You might recall that the decibel scale is logarithmic, so every 10dB increase in noise is a ten times increase in its intensity.

My earplug has 30NRR, meaning it decreases sound by 30dB, but a lot of daily activities are still above the safe range (around 60dB), such as when walking past a lawn mower (90dB). Beware those lawn mowers!

I’m losing my balance so easily. I fell over standing on one leg during a yoga pose and I named it Falling Triangle.

If you don’t have this condition, please please save yourself the fate of the buzz. If this is a condition you DO or DID have, please share the story about how you recovered to cheer me up. Thanks in advance for that.

In case anyone else needs cheering up, here’s a peaceful piano solo with sheet music here:

Often, the biggest turning points in our lives hinge upon one small factor, and if I do regain my full hearing, I will wear my squishy skin-coloured nugget earbuds during concerts and flights. I’ll pretend they’re Tiffany earrings.

My heart goes out to anyone who has ever struggled with a hearing problem, because it is, indeed, no fun at all.

It’s never too early to say, but my editor says mistakes are for the living, and my dear friends, let’s hope this is not one of the life-changing mistakes that I have made.

Grace